September

Hermann Hesse

The garden is in mourning.
Cool rain seeps into the flowers.
Summertime shudders,
quietly awaiting his end.

Golden leaf after leaf falls
from the tall acacia tree.
Summer smiles, astonished and feeble,
at his dying dream of a garden.

For just a while he tarries
beside the roses, yearning for repose.
Slowly he closes
his weary eyes.

Revelation (but not the book, because this one isn't plural)

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

~Romans 5:1-5

And thus is the answer to my question, or at least part of it. Selfishness in suffering only makes it worse. Joy in suffering, now there's the rub.


I have lately been characterized by moodiness, frustration, and self-pity, and that needs to immediately stop. Now.


"When you bruise a flower with your feet you are rewarded with its perfume." ~Richard Wurmbrand


I am thankful the Lord has given me this opportunity to grow, and I know He will see me through it. So maybe I won't sleep again tonight, but I will do so gladly! Maybe you'll get another blog post out of it...

Insomnia

This is the second night in a row I've been unable to sleep, and the third week of having a difficult time sleeping in general. I've listened to Beethoven's 6th, and am now working on his 7th. So I'll take this extra time to blog.

I don't know why I've been unable to sleep. I don't really feel stressed, and I'm not in pain. Everything seems pretty normal with me actually, aside from this sleeping business. I do have a couple of things on my mind, but this is a different kind of insomnia than I've had before. Here, when I'm lying in bed, my mind becomes a maelstrom of nonsense, melodies swinging in circles around my brain, snippets of random conversation playing backwards and forwards, colors flashing, and my body feeling periodic flushes of heat. It's weird.

I went to the Word tonight and came across Acts 16:6-7.

And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them.

Later in the passage, we find out that it was for Lydia's conversion in Macedonia that Paul and Timothy were prevented from traveling to Asia and Bithynia. I wonder how God kept them from going. A storm? A broken road? A vision?

Insomnia and restlessness?

I like how they didn't say that they didn't travel to these places by happenstance. God prevented them from going is the way it's worded, and I think that's important. So, in practical application, God is preventing me from sleeping, and I'm sure for a good cause. Now I just need to figure out why...

Well, until then I have tea and Beethoven. Goodnight all. Maybe it's time to try and sleep again.

Observation

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

~1 John 1:5-7

So, let's talk about physics. Our ability to see things comes from a complex series of light particles (photons) hitting our rods and cones in our eyes, activating certain nerves, and giving us the picture we see. So if you are looking at a table, what happens is light photons hit the table, and then they reflect off of it and into your eyes, and then you see the table (we won't get into color; though someday I will learn the specifics of how that works). 

So, now let's talk in metaphor. To be "in the light" we must see the reflection of God (since God is light), or lack thereof, in everything. The light is an exposing quality, giving us the ability to see (this is different than purity). Darkness is where light doesn't exist, those things in which God is not reflected.

Just another picture of God inside the science He created.