How blessed I am. I literally sitting in Denver, CO operating as a functioning member of an opera company for a week. In fact, I am the orchestra. And it's going really well. And it's loads of fun. And I'm growing exponentially as a musician/pianist.
Something still nags at me though. Maybe its the oncoming semester, looming closer than I understand. Maybe it's the upcoming performance later this week. Maybe there's just too much caffeine running through my veins right now. But I am anxious and I'm not exactly sure why.
I do know this:
I miss my church.
I miss my family.
I guess this is homesickness? The thing I'm realizing is that here in Denver I am a traveler, passing through with my trade. I hope I'm making a difference. It's easier to make a difference in the place where people know you, where you affect your relationships, where I have the foundation from which to spring into the work God has set up for me. I think I'm just struggling to see it here (well, no I'm not. Right now I'm a pianist).
Maybe its the unclear future of the oncoming semester. I feel like I'm not progressing forward (in what, you ask? Anything, I say) quickly enough. Kind of like when you were a kid, running through black mud that caked up on your shoes with every step. I feel like there's so much work to be done, yet there is so little that I know about anything.
I press into the Lord, pleading for His will to be channeled through my life. I'm terrified sometimes that I'm wasting everything. How difficult wise discernment is. I pray for wisdom too.
