Thanklitude

My thoughts are tangling into a sticky mess in my head. It's time I straighten them out (and not here). Once upon a time I journaled...

Posts are far and few in between on this blog, and not necessarily because I want them to be (though we are better defined by our actions instead of our words), but because I am so overwhelmed that I don't know where to begin. It's the same feeling as looking at a blank sheet of staff paper and writing whatever I want for whatever ensemble I want.

Impossible. We need guidelines. Like children.

And so, two days will find us in the American national holiday of Thanksgiving. I've been meditating on thankfulness lately and have found myself overcome with so much...stuff. In community groups we just finished the final T in APTAT, which is (you guessed it) "thank." And I've been given so many things in the past few months in relation to my upcoming nuptials, my upcoming thesis, my upcoming senior recital, and my upcoming "next chapter" of my life (and graduation is visible on the horizon too).  I am only humbled.

I don't think of myself as someone who has much to offer (an ironic statement for somebody who keeps a blog). And I am certainly changing my mind in that I know anything about anything. It seems the further along I move in my studies, the more I realize that I have no knowledge at all about anything. At least, nothing in comparison to what it is I need to learn. The world is such a big place. And that's just the world. I quote E. E. Cummings, "There's a hell of a universe next door. Let's go."

And so I am incredibly thankful. I am thankful with a weight that puts me on my knees, and I fall on my knees knowing that's where I belong. Grace rains. Grace reigns. Sure the semester is stressful, and one could nearly calculate my stress in proportion to the length between posts, but it really fades into oblivion when I consider how much has been given to me.

I mean, for goodness sake, I'm posting ramblings on the internet. These are the things that move me to tears.